22.

So today I am 22... it feels pretty crazy. 21 is that age where it's the year that everyone talks about that is so exciting where you are still young but can have all the fun in the world. And now I'm 22, that 21 year is gone and now the decades are the big deals.. I am NOT ready for a new decade, but hey I've got a while. :) However I am ready for this year of 22, because I want to defy this thought that 22 is just 22. No, my 22 is going to be exciting and hopefully better than my 21.

Last night I was thinking about how cool it is that I just turned 22 when alot of my friends  just started back to Baylor yesterday...it's almost like I graduated at 21 and held on to that 21 throughout the summer and really enjoyed everything and now for the first time in my life, I am not going to classes and right at the beginning of all the change, I'm changing ages... I know this is probably too deep, but I'm gonna take it there! So today is a new day, a new challenge and a new beginning for me. I am going to embrace being a graduate, I will embrace this scary, new, exciting life I have ahead of me (even if it doesn't seem off the charts exciting right now.. it will be!) and I will embrace 22.

Here's to a good year!

Advice

So this is going to be a very scattered post of all the advice and lessons I've learned in the past couple of weeks (at least what I can remember of it right now)...

Our pasts are part of who we are, they are beautiful messes of lessons learned, things gone right and things gone wrong. Our past has shaped us to be who we are today and that is a blessing. Our past fuels us to transform, it pushes us to move forward and for that our past is a blessing. But now it is today. We must live in the present. Right now. You know your past and you know who you are today and that's it. You can't live in the past and you can't live in the future. What you and I have is today. You can't make your today decisions off of what might or might not be in the future. There is no way to know. We just have to take everything one day at a time, growing from our past and preparing for our future but mostly living for today.

If you love someone, then love them. If you miss someone, then miss them. If you don't respond to your feelings, you will never be able to move forward. You must face reality for what it is. If your heart is broken, let it feel that heartbreak and understand that heartbreak so that it can transform from that heartbreak. If you are full of joy, be full of joy and let it show all over...

We have a tendency of turning away from reality and searching for something that seems better than our lives at that moment. The thing is, is you can never escape your reality. You will have to face it one day. You will have to face yourself one day. You will have to face your creator one day. Why not start facing it today?

To really know yourself and discover who you are is one of the most challenging and difficult things to do. It takes a lot of courage for someone to face themselves. We know all of our flaws and all of our baggage, but we must face ourselves and forgive ourselves so that we may be set free.

Blessings come in all shapes and sizes, in pretty packaging and in the worst packaging you can imagine, but we have to be willing to take even the ugly blessings because under all of the ugly there is bound to be a treasure.

That's all I have for now... but there will probably be another post like this later. Have a great night.

Trust Me With Those You Love

So those of you that know me, know that I read this book called His Princess which are letters from God (now they are really from Sheri Rose Shepherd, but they are short letters based on scripture written as if they were from God to His Princess.. which is me and you and even boys... you can pretend it says Prince!) anyways I read one letter today and it is exactly the words I have been searching for to hold on to in order to really find peace in the Lord and what He is doing in my life right now... so I'm gonna re-type it...

My Princess... Trust Me With Those You Love
I know your heart, and I know how much you love those close to you. I am your Creator and the Giver of every good gift. I have given you loved ones to share your life with. But you, My child, must remember that those you love ultimately belong to Me-not to you. I didn't give you those special relationships to tear you apart or to control you through fear of the future. Like Abraham did with his only son, Isaac, I need you to open your heart and give back to Me those you love. Trust Me with everything that concerns you regarding them. Place your hand in Mine, and I promise I will walk you- and your loved ones- through all things this life brings.
Love,
Your trustworthy King

What will you leave behind?

Ok quick note... so the past two posts I have done are little power paragraphs as I call them. I have a book called "Letters to a Young Artist" and it is INCREDIBLE! This lady has written letters that talk about presence, confidence/determination, and you will soon be hearing about self-esteem and discipline... yeah I'm a little behind. It's not a christian book but I am pretty sure that the author is a christian so I've been using it as a devotional and reading what she has to say about each topic, condensing the letter into my "power paragraph" and then looking up verses in the bible that have to do with the certain topic. It's been a really great way to focus on each topic and see how she describes it and then seek out how the bible describes it. I definitely feel like I have been growing and learning alot and it's only been a few days!

However I have a little something for today. Earlier this morning/afternoon my mom and I went Estate Sale shopping. Yeah we got some pretty awesome things for super cheap... but I couldn't help but walk through the houses and think "why?" Why did these people have all of these things? What meanings did all of this stuff have? Did everything have meaning or did they just buy things all the time? I mean these houses were FILLED with stuff, literally just STUFF. There were definitely some cool finds and some exquisite pieces, but still it was just stuff. The people who once owned all of these treasures have passed away, hopefully gone on the meet Jesus, but they are gone and what's left? Stuff. It just really got me thinking and questioning. We want so much, but for what? Sure it is an excitement that we can enjoy on earth to purchase things, but everything is just left behind. The stuff that I was looking at never mattered, really, I doubt their memories were wrapped up in that stuff and I certainly don't want the memories that I make to be wrapped up in things... It just made me examine my life and what is really important to me. It's not the material items I possess but the relationships that I am blessed to have, and the purpose of my life that God has created and what little bits I can do while I'm here to make people's lives better... That is what I want to leave behind at my estate sale... I don't know, but it left me with such an odd feeling, but definitely a feeling to question and keep in mind because ultimately that feeling will lead to the decisions I make on how I spend my days...

until next time. :)

Confidence or Determination?

To have confidence is to be without doubts and maybe even be a little cocky. However, there are always doubts and always things we don't know and can't be sure of, which is why instead of confidence we must have determination so we can hang on until the very end. Determination is commitment to win and to fight. It is active where confidence is stale. And it allows for doubt and humility which are both critical in our world today. Therefore it is more about determination than confidence.


I will be determined.

Presence

Presence means you hold your own space, control the space around you, and sometimes welcome others into it. It is not about attracting attention. Presence means paying attention to find any opportunity to engage. Presence is being alert. Presence is having something that you are wired to do, that you are committed to do. Presence requires being aware, paying attention, using your intelligence, allowing others to make an impact on you. This means putting your mind on them and not yourself. It is hard to have presence in a world of so much noise, so much show, so much amplification. Presence is absolute authenticity. Whoever can achieve that in a world of brands, seductions, false promises and addictions to false loves will truly have presence. (summarized from the words of Anna Deavere Smith)

I want to have presence.

Happy Birthday David

Today is my best friend David's birthday! He is 22 today... and there is only 30 mins left of his day, but you should all know that he is such a wonderful best friend to have! Always encouraging and ready to laugh and have fun! So many good times and inside jokes, but all to say I wish him the happiest birthday even if he is far away in Nashville!

Timing is Everything

So many times I want to push time forward to when I find a job or start doing something with my life and other times I want to rewind time to go back and do things differently and then there are the precious times I want to simply stop time and be in that moment forever... but I'm not in control of something so precious as time, only God is and He is consistent, just like time... not like me of course with all of my wanting to push, rewind and stop... however His timing is perfect and His timing is everything. 


For years now, deep in my heart, I have wanted to work with teen girls and be someone they can confide in and trust with all of their heart. I want to give my knowledge and advice, show them that they are worth so much more than they believe they are and push them to discover themselves and the potential they have in life. Being a girl and knowing everything I've ever felt and gone through and what I desire in every aspect of my life has seriously stirred something deep within and I want to help as many young girls as I can to not get into trouble and really believe in themselves. ... Well I have never really known what steps I needed to take to do this, nor have I really had the time to commit to something like this, until today. I went to this new church my mom has been going to called Spring Creek Community Church. INCREDIBLE! I love this church... and that is big for me, because churches are not my favorite place, which is really sad, but I think we have changed the purpose and true meaning of church and it is hard for me to be a part of them. (Oh you are about to get a sidetracked rambling thought from me so pause on the teenage girl story.)


To me, churches are just buildings, they are nothing more. I don't believe that God is in these buildings we call churches. He rests in the hearts of everyone in these buildings. I judge "churches" all the time and it's awful! It is definitely something I struggle with because I have no place judging. And it's not so much that I judge the people, but I have had so many negative experiences with church politics, people who are just "too righteous" and people that are unable to show love to people who choose to go in to the church... It blows my mind when people lure others to come to a "church" so that they can witness God's love in action and then nobody shows them the love of God. ughh.. I don't know.. this is just a tiny portion of my whole thought. I'm gonna be done with this now, my other story is what I really want to write about... 


Anyways, I actually love this new church. Great sermons! So as I walked in ten minutes late (who's surprised?) I had to ask the staff which door to enter and the guy I talked to turned out to be the youth minister... who I told I had just graduated from Baylor and moved home, who then asked me if I would be interested in leading a small group of teenage girls during the school year on Wed. nights... so we decided to meet and talk about it next Sunday. But I would be leading a group of 6-8 girls, high school or middle school... I really want high school, but we will see. OK BUT HOW AWESOME! This is the first time I went back to this church since Easter and I just happen to meet the youth minister and talk to him for a minute and then this! So cool!


I've been sitting at home, applying to jobs, not getting them and wondering if my life would ever have a purpose or if it was over after Baylor... yeah ok I'm a little dramatic... BUT I think God has really been letting me go through this time of uncertainty, disappointment, confusion and so many other things in order for me to really let go and let Him make my plans and direct my steps... I still don't have a job and I still have no idea what I am supposed to be doing, but I am so excited for this opportunity to serve these girls and I've been waiting and wanting to do this for so long now! Like I said earlier, His timing is everything. He is just now answering prayers that have been deep in my heart for a long time and I know He is going to answer my prayers about my next steps in life. I just have to be patient and not wish my time away... 


I realize that I write a lot and it might be a bit confusing, but if you read it thanks and maybe in time I'll get better at this blogging deal.. :)


Until next time...


p.s. I think I used the word "time" 18 times... well I guess now 20... 

The Beginning

Well, here I am.. It's 1:22 am and I said I was going to bed early tonight... Since I've graduated I've either been on a high energy trip in Chicago, New Braunfels and a Bullard trip tomorrow or completely low energy get-out-of-bed-and-sit-on-the-couch-all-day. I was talking to Joel earlier tonight about all the things I want to do and he told me I needed to stop wanting and start doing. So hopefully this blog can follow the life of .. well, me after graduating from Baylor and starting the greatest and biggest adventure I could ever imagine... life.

I'm in the middle of interviewing with Southwest Airlines and going to email a family friend about working with his  event planning company... but other than that I have not made any plans or goals... I am planning on going to Nashville and New York, but that's about it.

However I have watched some fantastically funny television and movies lately, visited with family and friends, laid out at the pool, thought about working out and went on a shopping spree at target... oh and got back on Weight Watchers!

I know that God has incredible plans for me and He has given me a full heart ready to serve, love, help and experience and instead of sitting in wonder for when that day is coming, I am going to take a deep breath and let Him start His work in me today, right now at 1:29. Everyday I pray that His will shall be done and that I will have the courage and strength to follow Him in all situations, but then I am lazyyyyy!!! So I'm throwing away my laziness, at least for a while and opening my heart up for the roads ahead. Teach me something new everyday, no matter how small Lord and direct my path. My life is to glorify you. Set my heart on fire. That's all I ask, and that's a big thing!

I'm going to write a list of things that I want to do/accomplish/try this summer and in life... so here it goes
-cook something crazy and a little bit difficult
-make a long road trip with friends
-wear size 6 jeans
-go kayaking
-sky dive
-climb a mountain
-go camping and sleep under the stars
-drive in the country with the windows down
-sleep on the beach
-travel the world, one country at a time
-

There's more I know... but for some reason I can't think right now... I'm always positive and know that I am so blessed and that God is always here for me and takes care of me and loves me more than I can imagine but sometimes I feel like I lose my imagination and spontaneity... I want it back. I don't want to not remember my dreams or the things I want to do in life. I don't want to forget what I'm passionate about ever. I need to be reawakened. In the midst of everything that is so great in my life like my family and friends, I need to be set on fire like I mentioned earlier. I need to believe that my life is a great adventure... because after all this is just the beginning.